Journal entry for September 19, 2001

Today's summary: The Mirror Life, a dream.

I had a very strange dream last night, wanted to share it.

In the dream, I was in a supermarket. I was telling everyone who would listen that I had had this incredible vision of how life was "supposed" to be -- in reverse. Running backwards.

This was incredibly vivid to me, and in the dream I was convinced we were misunderstanding our lives, as if they should be "forward" instead of this more natural, happier way.

Here's how it went...

You would start out as an old person on the brink of death, but your health would immediately improve and continue improving for the rest of your life.

You would already have best friends, children, family, and maybe even a husband or wife. Or if you didn't have one yet, you would miss them terribly until they appeared in your life, after their funerals. Your life would get less and less lonely as the days went on.

At first, you wouldn't get to see your children very often. Your kids would turn from old people with health problems into outgoing, carefree young adults, and then into annoying teenagers... but, luckily, then they would turn into adorable children and babies again! You'd get to spend more and more time with them.

Every year, your marriage would feel fresher and more exciting than the last -- or maybe it was exciting all along, if you're lucky. Then you would get to go on a romantic vacation, then have a big party right before walking down the aisle. Then you'd get to go on lots of dates, fall in love, and eventually meet the love of your life. Then you'd get to do lots of crazy stuff either by yourself, or with your other unmarried friends.

Somewhere along the way, meanwhile... You might have a big retirement party, then you'd have a job. You'll be making a lot of money, but your salary will decrease over time. On the upside, your job will get easier -- hopefully -- and as you moved down into the lower ranks of the company, you might be under less scrutiny, allowed to dress more casually or show up late more often. Even if you made a big mistake, you would still have a job afterwards (though perhaps not the same one as before).

Then after so many years, you might be in college and then high school, learning and having fun. Luckily your responsibilites would become less and less, as your parents would start paying for the things you need. Soon enough, they'd even give you a place to live, and cook dinners for you.

You would have spent the last several decades becoming more and more obsessed with sex, and dealing with the emotional turmoils of romance. Even more recently, in high school, you would have been distressed and confused by the desperate awkwardness of it all. But finally, now, you'd come to the enlightened realization that it wasn't really so important after all. Soon you'd forget all about it, and have fun in other ways instead.

You'd be in grade school, but the schoolwork all gets easier as you go along. Less and less homework. Plus you get to have your Mom pack you a lunch, and you'd get to have recess in the middle of the day. You'd get to have a vacation ALL summer!

You'd get to play with all your friends, goof off, and all the really big worries in life would be taken care of by other people like your parents and protectors. You would get REALLY cool birthday presents.

Eventually you'd be so little that you would need help with things, but your parents wouldn't mind helping you. In fact, they will spend more and more time with you as the years pass. You would get to discover all the really wonderful and new things in the world, and you would learn to use crayons.

And, in the final years of your life, you would become progressively less aware of the world, but it would be okay because you would have everything you wanted, and you would be carried around and snuggled and taken care of, warm and comfortable, constantly reassured and truly loved.

Near the very end of your life, everyone would go out of their way to come see you and give you presents, to give you all the attention you could want. Everyone would be very happy to see you and to find out how you're doing. You would never be lonely again.

This would be followed by a briefly scary and disorienting experience involving your mom... but after that, you'd be even MORE comfortable and relaxed than before, for nine months.

You would lose your awareness of self eventually, but there would be nothing scary or painful about it at all. In fact, you wouldn't even remember what it means to be scared or hurt. It would all feel very natural and warm and perfect.

And then, well... who knows where you'd be? But considering the trend so far, it would probably be even better than everything that happened before.