Journal entry for November 5, 2002:
Change takes you places. (what's been going on, where I am now...)

What's been going on.

So. You may have noticed the name change throughout the site. I'm filing divorce papers in May, and I'm being preemptive here since I need to promote this site with my future name. *sigh*

I don't want to make this explanation into a huge complaining rant -- I'm way past that now, and it wouldn't be very fair to Orlando to do that publically -- but I'll give a basic summary of what happened and what's going on in my life now.

Essentially, this is all for the best. Supposedly Orlando has finally admitted this fact, too (but privately to our friends, not to me). We were dealing with things for a long time, went to marriage counseling, we both tried to work it out within our individual capabilities... we did everything that you're supposed to do. So when I left last May, I left as gently as possible (Ha! As if that IS possible!)... No fighting, no punishing demands for alimony, nothing like that.

My close friends already know what the actual issues were, behind it all. So, that's all I feel I should say here about those. They've been extreeeemely understanding and supportive of both me AND Orlando, without taking sides (not that we're asking them to. At least I don't think we are?).

Where I am now.

With the EXTREMELY appreciated help of my friends flyingcar, Josh, Maria, George, Julio... we cleaned up the apartment, sorted and packed up my stuff (eventually), and moved me over to The Parents' House. Mercifully, it's been a lot more comfortable for me here than I had expected -- no major conflicts.

My friend/boss Maya helped me help out a cat at the shelter by adopting her. The cat's name is Kiki, and she's really cute (REALLY. I have photographic evidence!). She's an extreeemely friendly lap cat, and she follows me everywhere now that she's living with me here at Mom and Dad's. My parents say she's my familiar. I love having her around, she's very sweet and therapeutic... she reminds me a lot of Puff, my beloved old cat from when I was 5 till college. I still miss him. Even cry about it sometimes, actually, even though he's been gone for years...

My parrot Tori came with me to my parent's house, but she was never able to adjust to the partial transition (having me around, but not Orlando). She would cry even when I was there, so, I really think she missed him. Considering I couldn't figure out how to keep her happy, I eventually reluctantly sent her to live with someone else, a lady who runs a parrot rescue organization.... Since it was a total transition, Tori is reportedly settling in and doing really well (yay!). She is now spending her time with lots of other parrots, and she gets to visit lots of schools and retirement communities as part of a parrot education program. Since Tori is SO friendly and sweet and healthy (unlike most parrots this organization gets) she's their example of what a happy, healthy parrot should be like. So, I'm relieved and VERY happy for her.

I've been trying to focus on my social life so I don't end up sitting here upset all the time. Having my brother right here in the house has been great, since we both get along insanely well compared to pretty much every single other set of siblings I've ever met or heard of. :) I want to spend even more time with him than I currently actually do.

My friend Josh has been having movie parties as usual, even though he now lives in Baltimore with his wife Maria. He comes back to town and has the parties in his dad's basement (which is where he has the huge projector screen and über sound system. Mmmm.) I haven't been able to spend much time with him individually. No surprise, since he's always busy AND now he lives further away. Not to mention he's Orlando's #1 emotional support now, it would seem... Josh and I do get to talk on ICQ a lot, which is really good.

So, in terms of actually hanging out and going places and doing stuff, I've been doing lots of that with my other friend flyingcar. Not that that's really NEW, since he was my designated go-to guy whenever I wanted to go out and Orlando didn't feel like it. Heh. My theory was always that Orlando was relieved to be off the hook, and I knew he liked having time by himself at home... ANYWAY, ahem, present-day. So I've been spending that much MORE time with flyingcar, and it's been really great. Fun, supportive, trying new things, yadda. Plus he knows exactly where I'm coming from emotionally, so, he doesn't have any problems with the issues I'm still trying to digest emotionally... so... I'm a little more comfortable dumping on him and Josh than on say, the people in the next paragraph:

I'm also starting to actually have friends at work, which is a novelty for me. FEMALE friends, no less! I think I might be some kind of a sexist, I'm usually predisposed against girls. Erm... Women. Females. It's so weird to be old enough to call them anything but 'girls'.... Ahem. So. For example, my high-geek-factor work-friend Jess and I got memberships to the gym at work, and we go after hours periodically. It's SOOO much more fun with company. She and I keep meaning to get together more after work but I've seldom managed to actually make the time (I've worked lots of overtime recently).

Work itself has had some really busy periods, but overall I like it much better than before now that I'm back with Maya's group (where I started). Plus I just got a raise yesterday, which I desperately needed now that I'm going to be my own sole wage earner. Of course, someone ALSO opened a scary envelope with white powder in it yesterday, and we all got quarantined with the air system shut down for an hour while the fire department and biocontainment people checked it all out... they did some kind of instant test to determine that it wasn't anthrax, and un-quarantined us. Of course, I wonder what it actually was (and whether it's pathogenic)...

Creatively? Eh. I've been really, really uninspired for the longest time. Since the enthusiasm of my trip to L.A. last November (wow, that was a year ago now?!) I've really bottomed out. Of course it was a direct function of trying to focus all my effort and emotions and idea-power on other issues (like my disintegrating relationship)... But, now I'm starting to slowly feel more like normal again. Happy even, at least sometimes. It's a foreign but very positive feeling! And, I find my old creative gears starting to turn again in my head, shedding quite a few flakes of year-old rust into my reptilian hindbrain.

I plan to talk more about my current inspirations in tomorrow's journal entry, since this IS an art journal supposedly, after all, not just a "Let's hear about Jen's traumadrama" forum. Heh.